Haircut from Hell -- When a Haircut is Hell

Haircut From Hell?

..... not exactly what you're thinking

Imagine a woman wearing a flapping black cape with half her head shaved and half of her head covered in hot pink hair dye fleeing from your local salon or barber shop. Is it Halloween? Is she a new Superhero -- the cape would make one assume it as a possibility -- but what would she be called? Super Panic Princess who flies through the air for sanctuary after escaping from the horrors of being detained in a salon chair.  She has survived but not yet finished the horrors of being trapped in the salon. She deserves a gold medal and some fantastically awesome kickass adjective-filled Superhero name. 

Let's just call the "Panic Princess" Jamie for the moment. 

Smell is one of our strongest senses that invoke memories. The scent of the salon wafts over my nose even though I'm far away ( and have been for more than a year . ) I remember the "fresh" smell of the shampoo, the feeling of a relaxing scalp massage, and that "reveal" of a new me after a new haircut. I miss those days.

But I did have them -- SEE BELOW!
Credit: Pinky

A salon visit is a pure LUXURY. I have not stepped into a salon in over a year. My agoraphobia makes this luxury a hellish nightmare. It's not even because of the people. It's because the situation makes me feel trapped. Instead of a nice cape that protects my clothing I feel like the hangman's noose has been strapped around my neck and that comfortable salon chair is now an electric chair. I'm tense, I can't enjoy myself, and I know that I have to keep going until the haircut is finished. My heart is racing and my hands are sweating. I'm shaking and the stylist is telling me to keep still (not any of my recent stylists "Pinky I love you" ). Pinky (For my non local readers is an AWESOME stylist at Premier Visions ).

I hope to visit one day because I really miss her personality, pizzazz, and AMAZING skills! She ALWAYS made me feel beautiful even with my low self esteem. Thank you Jennifer "Pinky". You are a gem!

So, I just quit going. Why put myself through such hellish torture?
( Even though I really want the haircut pictured above )

I miss those days. I miss those smells. I miss someone else's hands in my hair giving me a scalp massage and letting me relax while I inhale the luxurious scents of the shampoo. I miss having TWO eyebrows and not looking like a bushy Albert Einstein poster. I also miss my hair not looking like a frazzled, fried, wavy, strangely colored rendition of Cousin It ( from the Addams family ). 

SEE THE RESEMBLANCE?

Oh, how I miss those days. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I don't know exactly why I'm going through this challenge but I am trying to find the "silver linings". At least now I truly know a haircut is a LUXURY to people with agoraphobia or severe panic disorder. 

I'm at the point I NEED a haircut. The ends are frayed and it looks bad no matter how I tryle to style it -- and I have been trying to straighten it and do all kinds of cute styles. But, it just looks like frayed horse hair. It's not pleasant. I'm tempted to take to the scissors or razors myself.

So if my next Facebook profile pictures looks like a half shaved reddish mohawk -- you know why!

I am not writing this to find pity. I am writing this to show you a reality. I'm hoping my description of such a mundane activity to you is both a luxury and terror for me. I have learned to cherish the little things in life. Seeing the sunset on the river was AMAZING to me and seent through a completely new set of eyes.

Also, the way we look helps our self-esteem. If we can't get out to a salon and we dislike our appearance it doesn't help with that fragile self-esteem. I know my hair doesn't look great. I am blessed enough that I have been able to trim my own bangs and do some color but it doesn't look like I would like. 

However, I'm not far enough in my exposure therapy that I'd ever consider setting foot into a salon.

Moral of the story --

Cherish the little things -- because for some of us -- they are a mountainous luxury.

Till next time -- your Super Panic Princess

Jamie Xo